The "Never Why Rule"

When you are networking at WebSummit, TOKEN or a dinner party, it's always best to start your questions with "how," "what," "when" and "where." 𝗡𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 "𝘄𝗵𝘆."

Both negotiating expert Chris Voss and story science professor Angus Fletcher endorse this strategy.

In describing his technique for training your intuition through conversation, Fletcher explains: 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 "𝘄𝗵𝘆" 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁-𝗰𝗶𝗿𝗰𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗲-𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗱, 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗰 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗻𝗲.

Fletcher's example: if someone says their favorite activity is kayaking but they never go with their spouse, the instinctive move is to ask "Why not?" Instead, ask what else the person and their spouse enjoy doing together, which keeps the conversation building outward rather than collapsing into a ready-made answer.

Voss comes at it from his negotiation POV: "𝘄𝗵𝘆" 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀.

Think about it: when we were children, "Why did you do that" is almost always followed by a scolding. Our brains process it as an accusation.

Everybody thinks public speaking is just panels, keynotes, and interviews. 

It's far more than that. 

It's about mastering conversations in the most essential business scenarios too.